Aristotle spoke of dividing man into three aspects: the mind, the body, and the spirit: "Speech is the expression of ideas or thoughts or desires. Handwriting is the visible form of speech. Just as speech can have inflections of emotions, somewhere in…
Four Month Challenge: 1st Diary Entry
(Reading back over my old 4 Month Challenge entries. Realizing I did make some changes that positively impacted my life, so I’m going to give it another go. I don’t know how consistent I’ll be about it, but I’m giving it a chance all the same.)
You never stop thinking long enough to actually absorb where your trains of thoughts take you and allow those realizations to take action by turning them into long-term goals you commit to. You are the only person who can change that. You keep looking for another person, but you need to look at yourself. You have to love every part of you, not just the parts you can let out for a walk then pen back up during the work week. All of you needs to be lovable. This is going to take some work. You’re not the type to push yourself to do things outside your comfort zone. This has to change. This is what you need to work on right now. The rest will come in good time.
1. I will take care of my body.
I’m not pleased with the amount of weight I’ve gained, or that I pay for a gym I don’t go to, and especially not that I waste so much money on quick food so I can eat when it’s convenient. There are veggies in the oven right now. Pack lunches. Don’t binge or slide back into bad habits, but don’t freak out and crucify yourself if you do. Try to make it to the gym once a week, just to start. You know you like going when you actually make the time for it. It’s getting less frigid out. That was your excuse for wanting to escape to the safety of your bed where you didn’t have to interact with anyone. You still don’t, and nobody gives a damn what you look like at the fucking gym. Get your focus straight and start incorporating healthy changes. Not eating after 8 or drinking soda makes a big difference, so does not eating fast food. And after you eat fast food you certainly don’t want to work out- so do things that work well together. Settling for occasional sex and mall strolls as your only form of activity is unacceptable and will not suit you any longer. You can do better. You have before, just start again.
2. I will not allow my emotions or lingering loneliness to cloud my judgement.
I will reserve my heart for someone who is right, when the time is right. I deserve happiness, not longsuffering. I will not position myself for emotional pummelling. I will not indulge people I don’t feel right about as potential partners in any capacity because it’s a setup for unhappiness all around.
3. I will make more time for Grace.
She’s getting older. She needs to have some work done at the vet. It’s going to cost me but she is a priority. I need to make time to take her for walks and take her out more. I used to, and we both enjoyed it.
4. I will target where I blow large amounts of money regularly, and avoid these places.
The bar and the club, obviously. Target. I will make selective allowances but not often as I know I don’t have much self control right now.
5. I will pay off two credit cards completely in the next six months.
These two are getting lower. This is feasible for you. Then once you’re done you can see about maybe merging the other two and knocking them out and also paying Dad for the rest of the repairs to the old car. Then you can start saving.
6. I will curtail my drinking.
The red wine and occasional single good beer after a long day thing is an excellent start. You know you stop after two glasses tops instead of killing a bottle in a sitting like you do with white wine or drinking yourself stupid because you don’t know when to stop with hard liqour (either way you feel like shit the next day so stop doing it).
These are good goals. They require discipline, which you lack, but going to the gym will keep you out of the bar and have you feeling like you don’t HAVE TO go to the club to dance because you’re actually active. You don’t have to drink a lot, you can have a little of something nice that didn’t cost much and lasts a little while. You can read more and maybe even learn things and grow as a person. Baby steps. You have to have a starting point. Let this be it.
Proud of you!!